Ok - I've recovered from my preemptive hissy fit (y'know, I noticed I spelled preemptive wrong the last go-round. It was actually kind of funny.). And now, I'm back to my old self.
I did some serious soul-searching. Thought about chucking it. Again.
Ask anyone who writes, whether it be for pleasure or for publication, why they write, and I will guarantee the most common response will be this:
Because it's what I do.
And when I asked myself that question, as I did several times, it was the same answer. I have no choice. I have to write. It's what I do. I've been writing since I was a kid. It isnt' anything I (or probably any other writer) can possibly explain. It's just a need that won't go away, won't allow itself to be ignore, until that specific thought it allowed to bloom and the story is told in its entirety.
So, I will set myself up again. I will research. I will write. I will re-write. I will synopsize (or whatever the act of writing a synopsis is called). I will query. I will wait.
I have no choice, no matter what the outcome is.
There are times when I wish I could just simply chuck it all and walk away without ever looking back. But I've come to the realization that is simply not how I am. It isn't something I can ever do. And I think that's what separates writers from wannabes. There are so many people who say 'I've always wanted to write a book, but I just don't have the time (or fill in favorite excuse here).' I don't know about anyone else, but my day is only 24 hours long. I have a family. I have kids. I have a dog. I have outside committments. The day doesn't stretch out because I write. I cram my writing into what time I can steal from everything else. I rewrite while my kids nap. Or during the day, when school's in session. I jot down notes while they're racing around the playground. I take a chapter or two to the doctor's office to work on while I'm waiting. It sounds so damn cliched, but I make the time. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I have to.
And that's what I have to get back to now.